Apologies, Glances And Messed Up Chances
by sleepy-emo
Summary: While out celebrating receiving a place at University Roxas ends up alone with his ex-boyfriend Riku for the first time since their messy break-up. Feelings get dragged up, along with the past and some things are just better off left alone. Songfic of Always, All Ways by Lostprophets


**Yet another songfic! I really must stop... Anyway sorry to Riku fans I kind of made him a massive arse-hole; I honestly didn't mean too, it just kinda happened, please don't hate me**

Roxas pushed open the back door of the club breathing in the cool night air. He went to lean on the railing that kept the club's small smoking area separate from the street letting the door close behind him. He allowed the metal to cool his skin, it was absolutely sweltering inside that club and it was starting to make him feel dizzy.

He was at this club tonight because his brother, Sora, and his boyfriend, Axel, had organised a surprise party for him to celebrate him getting into Hollow Bastion University – the most prestigious university in the country. All of his friends and family had come and he was having an absolutely amazing time. There was only one small problem with tonight and that was Riku.

Riku was Sora's boyfriend and Roxas's ex-boyfriend. Riku and Roxas had dated for six months before Riku had cheated on him with his younger brother. Roxas had hated them both for a week, refusing to speak to either of them and then Sora finally got Roxas to listen to his side of the story.

Riku had told Sora that he and Roxas had broken up, even though they were still together. He also told Sora that he was crazy about him and that he was all he could think about. He had made Sora promise not to say anything to Roxas but they would continue to see each other in secret. Riku had his way with both brothers until Roxas walked in on him kissing Sora and they had a huge fight. Roxas had told Riku that it was over and he could go to hell while Sora said that he would give Riku another chance – he had lied to them both, after all, but Sora honestly believed that he could change. It was a fucked up start to a relationship but Roxas knew that Sora had always been in love with Riku but had never done anything about it because of Roxas.

"Hey." a deep voice said from behind him breaking him out of his thoughts. Speak of the devil, Roxas thought turning round to find himself face to face with Riku.

"Hey." he mumbled turning back to lean against the railing again.

"What are you doing out here?" Riku asked coming to lean against the railing next to him. It had been a really long time since the two of them had been alone together (Roxas had tried to avoid being alone with Riku for fear of getting into another argument and dragging up the past) and Roxas felt himself become suddenly nervous.

"Just getting some fresh air." he replied. He didn't want a long, drawn out conversation with Riku but he didn't feel as if he'd cooled down enough to go back inside without feeling dizzy yet.

"You having a good night?" Riku asked looking at him.

"Yeah, it's great." Roxas smiled not taking his eyes off his hands as he cracked his knuckles in agitation. "I can't believe Sora and Axel did all this for me."

"Yeah Axel seems like a really nice guy," Riku stated. "and Sora's..."

"Don't." Roxas said softly, cutting him off. He didn't want to hear whatever it was that Riku was going to say about his brother no matter how nice it was. "Don't talk to me about Sora."

"Rox..." Riku began. Roxas turned angrily to look at him.

"And don't call me Rox!" he snapped. "You lost the right to call me 'Rox' when you cheated on my with my brother." He turned away hoping that Riku would take the hint and go back inside the club. Roxas's shoulders shook with anger, the only reason Riku was even here tonight was because he was with Sora. He felt two warm hands come down on his shoulders and he tensed up immediately.

"I know I fucked up Rox." Riku whispered and Roxas heard his voice crack slightly. "I had you right in front of me but I was too blind to see it. You were everything I wanted but I was determined that there was something better out there."

"What the hell are you on about?" Roxas asked angrily, shaking himself free even though Riku's hold hadn't been particularly strong. He turned to face Riku, angry tears threatening to spill down his face. Riku sighed looking down a the floor, his long sliver fringe hiding his eyes.

"I guess I'm trying to say I'm sorry," he mumbled. "but it always comes out wrong."

"That's because you're an idiot." Roxas growled making Riku chuckle softly. He looked at Roxas's face and reached out to cup his cheek. Roxas flinched away slightly but leaned into Riku's touch, despite himself, as Riku pressed gently on that spot on his neck – just beneath his ear and above his jaw – that only Riku seemed to know about. "Riku don't." he said but he couldn't hide the soft moan that accompanied his words.

"This always made you calm down, no matter how stressed or angry you were." Riku murmured smiling slightly.

"That doesn't work on me anymore Riku." Roxas said although his actions betrayed him as he leaned further into Riku's touch. He knew he shouldn't be doing this :- never mind the fact that he was with Axel and Riku was with Sora but Riku had messed him up so much when they were together it had taken him so long to get over him. There was a small part of him that wasn't over Riku, that craved his touch, his smell, his kiss, and he was sure that Riku knew it.

"Liar." Riku chuckled as his other hand began to play with one of Roxas's soft spikes. "I think a part of you still loves me." Even though we're moving on, he thought to himself. As much as he hated it Riku knew it was true :- he had pushed Roxas away and had gone off with someone else. Now Roxas had moved on, he had found himself someone who didn't mess him around and someone he could be happy with but all Riku wanted to do was beg him to take him back...but he couldn't. He had left Roxas for Sora – he had made his choice and he just had to live with it.

Riku used his soft hold on Roxas's head to pull his face closer to his and something inside Roxas came to its senses. He shook his head pulling his hair free from Riku's fingers and pushed him away. He refused to admit that he still had feelings for Riku; Riku had hurt him too much for him to even think about him at all, never mind in a romantic sense.

"You can't do this, Riku." Roxas said quietly, trying not to let Riku hear the catch in his voice.

"Can't do what?" Riku asked confused.

"You can't follow me out here and tell me that you're sorry and then try it on with me while you're going out with my brother." Roxas yelled angrily. "You can't do that to him...not again." Roxas lowered his head, not wanting Riku to see the tears now running down his cheeks. He could feel himself beginning to shiver and he decided that now would be a good time to go back inside. He could run to the bathroom and clean himself up then re-join the party and forget about his conversation with Riku.

Roxas turned to leave but Riku grabbed his arm. He spun the small blonde round, forcing him to face him. Roxas was about to pull away in protest when Riku wrapped his arms around his body, hugging him tightly. Roxas's eyes snapped opened as he found himself pressed against Riku's body. He could feel the muscles in Riku's chest contract slightly in the cold but his body felt so warm.

Roxas couldn't help himself and he relaxed into Riku's body. He knew he shouldn't be doing this - Riku was with Sora and he was with Axel, he couldn't bring himself to knowingly cheat on his brother and his boyfriend in the same night – but something about it just felt right. With Riku holding him there, in that moment, everything was forgotten and he unconsciously found his hands coming up to rest on Riku's hips.

"Roxas..." Riku whispered and Roxas distinctly heard his voice crack.

"Don't." Roxas replied, half-heartedly trying to push Riku away.

"Roxas," Riku whispered again. "I'm sorry for what happened but I want you to see that I'm changing all my actions. I don't want to make the same mistake again."

"What do you mean 'mistake'?" Roxas asked, his voice muffled slightly against Riku's shoulder. "You knew what you were doing." he added so quietly he wasn't even sure Riku would hear him.

"I was stupid and I didn't want to admit that you were the best thing that ever happened to me so I pushed you away. I pushed you away and I chested on you by lying to Sora to get him to go along with it. I'm a terrible person and I don't deserve your forgiveness – or Sora's affection – but I'm trying to change. I'm trying to make it work with Sora and not screw things up like I did with you."

"Riku..." Roxas whispered into his shoulder, tightening his grip on Riku's hips.

"Always, all ways, I wanted us to be together, just you and me." Riku said quietly, tangling one of his hands in Roxas's hair.

"Riku don't..." Roxas began again. He knew he should push Riku away before this went any further but he couldn't bring himself to. Feeling Riku's arm around his waist and his other hand in his hair had him frozen.

"We could have seen in through, me and you." Riku stated and at this Roxas finally looked up into his ex-lover's aquamarine eyes.

"Maybe, but we're not together any more." he stated. "You're with Sora and I'm with Axel, that's just how it is." He went to leave but Riku tightened his grip around him. He cupped Roxas's face and tilted it upwards. Roxas gazed, transfixed, into Riku's eyes and he felt his heart hammering in his chest.

"I still love you." Riku whispered closing the distance between the two and pressed his lips softly to Roxas's.

Roxas's eyes snapped open at the contact and he tried again to pull away but Riku tightened his grip, preventing his escape. The hand that was cupping Roxas's face shifted slightly and Riku stroked that spot on his neck, where his ear met his jaw, and Roxas melted. His eyes slid closed and he responded to Riku's lips, opening his mouth to allow Riku's tongue access.

Riku turned them round and pushed Roxas up against the cold metal railing. Roxas moaned softly as he felt one of Riku's hands slip down his side and underneath his t-shirt to rest against his heated skin. As Riku placed his cold hand was place on the small of his back Roxas gasped and arched his body into Riku's. Riku took Roxas's bottom lip in between his teeth and bit down softly, making the blonde moan again.

"Riku..." Roxas breathed as Riku pulled away.

"Rox...I..." Riku began trying to find the words he wanted to express his feelings but when he came up with nothing he leaned back in to kiss Roxas again.

Just before their lips touched the heavy clang of the bar of the door that led to the smoking area met their ears. The pair jumped apart, Roxas fixing his shirt and his hair just in time as the door opened and Axel stepped outside. He smiled at Roxas when he saw him.

"Hey," he said going over to his boyfriend. "I was wondering where you had got to."

"I just needed a little fresh air, that's all." Roxas said smiling at him and ignoring Riku, who he could feel staring at him. He knew that Riku was wishing that Axel hadn't interrupted them but he was thankful that he had.

"You must be freezing out here, without a jacket on." Axel said pulling Roxas close to warm him up and kissing him softly on the forehead. "Hey Riku," Axel turned to the silver haired man next to Roxas. "Sora was looking for you, he was saying something about body shots?"

"Oh god." Riku groaned but grinned all the same. "I better go and find him."

"You're not escaping them either Rox," Axel smirked. "Sora wants you to do one too."

"Great." Roxas replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"How about if you're doing it off me?" Axel smirked and Roxas saw Riku shift in embarrassment out of the corner of his eye. He ignored him and gave Axel a playful shove.

"Shut up you weirdo." he said. Axel laughed and wrapped his arms around Roxas before cupping his face and kissing him softly. Riku shifted uncomfortably.

"Um...I'll see you guys back inside." he said and made his way back to the door.

"Shall we go back inside too?" Axel asked after pulling away from the blonde.

"Yeah." Roxas replied smiling up at the red head.

"You ok Rox?" Axel asked concerned as he saw that Roxas's smile didn't quite meet his eyes.

"Yeah I'm fine." he said pushing thoughts of Riku and their kiss out of his mind. "I love you Axel."

"I love you too Rox." Axel said and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist, hugging him tightly. Roxas wrapped his arms around Axel's neck returning the hug, happy to be in his boyfriend's arms. Despite this he couldn't help looking up and watching Riku leave. Riku turned and glanced back at the blonde and their eyes locked momentarily.

"I love you Roxas." Riku mouthed.

"I'm sorry." Roxas mouthed back and buried his face in Axel's hair. Riku sighed and turned to leave the two of them alone; he had messed up his chance with Roxas completely and shouldn't keep trying to drag him into the past. Roxas had Axel and he had Sora and, although he loved Sora, he couldn't help wishing that he hadn't messed things up in the first place. There was nothing he could do to change that, though, he would just have to live with the fact that he had cheated on the person he loved most in the world. He pushed open the door and went back inside the club, hoping that he could forget about Roxas and not always be looking back and what he couldn't have.

Roxas pulled away from Axel before pressing a soft kiss to his lips. Axel smiled down at him and Roxas smiled back. Kissing Riku had been a momentary lapse in his judgement but Axel was who he was in love with. Axel was everything to him, he was his world; he had been there for him through all the shit that Riku had put him through and brought him back out of it. Axel would never hurt him and he never wanted to hurt Axel.

"Let's go back inside, eh?" Axel smiled and rook Roxas's hand, linking their fingers together.

"Yeah." he smiled back and followed Axel back into the club, leaving what had happened between himself and Riku behind him, for good this time.

**At least I gave one of them a happy ending, too much angst?**


End file.
